Sunday, May 6, 2018

Empty Words: A Deep Poem by Stephanie Lahart

Empty Words

Your words were SO captivating
I believed every word that you told me
Sweet
Kind
Loving
All the words that I wanted to hear
 .
But you knew that, didn't you?
You knew I had low self-esteem
You knew I didn't love myself
You knew I was young and naive
You knew that I was just looking for love
But instead, I got wrapped up into you
 .
I lost myself in you
I stopped doing all the things that I loved to do
I poured all of my energy into you
Put myself on the back burner
Just to take care of you
Just to be hurt, disappointed, and used like a fool
 .
I listened and held on to your every word
Although I knew they were ALL lies
My heart ached to the core
My tears flowed like a rapid river
And yet I stayed and allowed you to hurt me
Over and over and over again
 .
Yep!
I allowed you to mistreat me
I allowed you to disrespect me
I allowed you to steal MY joy and MY peace
I allowed you to change the course of MY life
Literally almost destroyed MY life
 .
You told me that you loved me
But your actions told a different story
I clearly couldn't compete with your addiction to drugs
No matter how loving I was
No matter how much I supported you
No matter how much I gave more and more of myself to you
 .
Crack Cocaine had me beat
My kindness
My love
My loyalty
My faithfulness
My commitment to you just wasn't enough
 .
After years of broken promises and broken dreams
I found the courage and strength to let you go
That was the best thing I could have ever done
I was finally free!
Free from all of your lies
Free from trying to change a grown man
 .
I was finally FREE!
Free from the headaches
Free from all of the hurt and pain
Free from feeling like I wasn't enough
Free from all of the hell that I allowed you to put me through
Free from a man that didn't even love himself
 .
In the midst of trying to save you
I somehow lost myself in you
But thankfully, I was able to push through
And love myself enough to know what I deserved,
Much better than what I was settling for
 .
I’m stronger
I’m wiser
I’m a way better me
I love myself from the inside out
And I fully understand that
You can’t change anybody!
 .
I've learned to love myself first
Take care of myself
Be good to myself
Protect myself from people who don’t mean me any good
Be mindful of who I give my heart to
And never ever settle for somebody
Who’s not willing to love you back the way you love them
 .
It is such a waste of your time!
Time that you’ll never get back.
Lesson learned.
Lesson learned.
Lesson learned.
No bitterness. No resentments.
But a POWERFUL lesson learned that I’m NOT willing to repeat.
 .
Written by Stephanie Lahart
Stephanie Lahart Website!