Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Marriage, Loneliness, and Cheating by Stephanie Lahart

You’re thinking to yourself: “I didn't sign up for this shit!” Married, but feeling lonely. Married, but thinking about cheating. Married, but dealing with more than your fair share of everyday life situations. In your marriage vows, you promised to love your spouse for better or for worse, but sometimes it’s much easier said than done, right?

All marriages have their challenges, some bigger than others. For some odd reason, when we get married, we think that our lives are going to be this perfect union until reality shows us something different. In the midst of working, going to school, taking care of the kids, trying to please our spouses, and handling all of the responsibilities of home life, things can get extremely overwhelming AND sometimes we feel like we've lost all control. Unfortunately, when we experience pressure that we’re not used to, our attitude, behavior, and the way we think can be all over the place. Our emotions tend to get the best of us.

As humans, we can sometimes be selfish without even realizing that we’re doing it. It’s all about OUR wants and OUR needs. But have you ever stopped to think about what your spouse is going through, too? Although you’re married, you have to remember that you’re both individual people. You both have your own personal challenges and struggles. It’s life! Nobody’s exempt from issues.

Like reading a good fiction, romance novel, cheating takes you to a place where you feel fulfilled, even if it’s temporary. For that period of time you feel free! Free from the realities of the real world. That leads me to what I would like to talk about next.

Loneliness and Cheating in Your Relationship

So you’re feeling lonely, huh? I get it! Your spouse isn't showing you the attention that you desire. Your spouse isn't spending enough time with you. Your spouse doesn't make love to you the way that they used to. Your spouse is SO busy that they miss out on the things that are TRULY important to you. Your spouse just doesn't seem to be interested in you like they used to be. You just don’t feel appreciated, and communication is nonexistent. And when you DO try to talk, it just ends up in a heated argument over the smallest things.

With all of this “stuff” going on in your life, temptation is having its way with you. You’re tempted to do some things that you know aren't right. But what the hell, right? You’re sick of this crap and you need a break from it all.

Let Me Ask You a Question

Have you even tried to communicate your feelings and thoughts to your spouse? Do they know what and how you’re feeling and/or thinking about? Listen, if you don’t communicate what you’re feeling, it’s not fair to your mate. It’s just not! If you want something from your mate, you have the responsibility to do your part. Open your mouth and speak up! You can’t expect your mate to know what’s going on in that mind of yours if you don’t say anything.

No matter how difficult or painful it may be, you have to talk about it. Communication can save a relationship from going down a road of pain, hurt, regret, anger, and betrayal. If you’re feeling lonely, communicate that to your partner. Set aside some quiet time where there won’t be any distractions. Make sure that you have their full attention, keep eye contact, and ensure that they fully understand the feelings that you’re experiencing. Don’t down play what you’re feeling. Your mate needs to know that you need more of them. Whether it is more time, sex, attention, etc… it needs to be brought to the table.

Seeking Comfort Elsewhere Won’t Solve Anything

Don’t get caught up! Temporary pleasure can turn out to be your worst nightmare. Don’t become a victim simply because you want to feel good for the moment. You may find yourself in a situation that you never saw coming. What you thought was temporary, is now YOUR secret. Irresponsible choices can cost you big time!

Think it Through

Could you REALLY live with yourself if you cheated on your partner?

Would it be worth losing the person that you know you love and care about? Would it be worth possibly losing your family? Would it be worth destroying his/her trust in you? Would it be worth having to start all over again with someone who doesn't even compare to your current spouse? Would it be worth it to see those tears in his/her eyes? Would it be worth seeing the pain that you've caused on his/her face? Would it be worth it to destroy everything that you've both built together? Would it be worth it to break their heart over your selfishness and weakness? Would it be worth it to betray the man or woman that you promised to be faithful to? Or furthermore, would you be able to forgive yourself, if you gave your spouse an STD? Always remember this: When you decide to cheat, you’re taking a huge risk. A risk that could turn your life upside down.

Some things just aren't worth it. Think! Think about what your choices could do to you, your partner, and maybe even your family. I encourage you to be mature enough to make the right choices. The wrong choices can literally ruin your life, and to me, ruining your life over a quick fix is just NOT worth it! Not at all.

Written by Stephanie Lahart (Author & Poet)