Monday, April 6, 2015

Empty Words - Poem

Empty Words

Your words were SO captivating
I believed every word that you told me
Sweet
Kind
Loving
All the words that I wanted to hear

But you knew that, didn't you?
You knew I had low self-esteem
You knew I didn't love myself
You knew I was young and naive
You knew that I was just looking for love
But instead, I got wrapped up into you

I lost myself in you
I stopped doing all the things that I loved to do
I poured all of my energy into you
Put myself on the back burner
Just to take care of you
Just to be hurt, disappointed, and used like a fool

I listened and held on to your every word
Although I knew they were ALL lies
My heart ached to the core
My tears flowed like a rapid river
And yet I stayed and allowed you to hurt me
Over and over and over again

Yep!
I allowed you to mistreat me
I allowed you to disrespect me
I allowed you to steal MY joy and MY peace
I allowed you to change the course of MY life
Literally almost destroyed MY life

You told me that you loved me
But your actions told a different story
I clearly couldn't compete with your addiction to drugs
No matter how loving I was
No matter how much I supported you
No matter how much I gave more and more of myself to you

Crack cocaine had me beat
My kindness
My love
My loyalty
My faithfulness
My commitment to you just wasn't enough

After years of broken promises and broken dreams
I found the courage and strength to let you go
That was the best thing I could have ever done
I was finally free!
Free from all of your lies
Free from trying to change a grown man

I was finally FREE!
Free from the headaches
Free from all of the hurt and pain
Free from feeling like I wasn't enough
Free from all of the hell that I allowed you to put me through
Free from a man that didn't even love himself

In the midst of trying to save you
I somehow lost myself in you
But thankfully, I was able to push through
And love myself enough to know what I deserved,
Much better than what I was settling for

I’m stronger
I’m wiser
I’m a way better me
I love myself from the inside out
And I fully understand that
You can’t change anybody!

I've learned to love myself first
Take care of myself
Be good to myself
Protect myself from people who don’t mean me any good
Be mindful of who I give my heart to
And never ever settle for somebody
Who’s not willing to love you back the way you love them

It is such a waste of your time!
Time that you’ll never get back.
Lesson learned.
Lesson learned.
Lesson learned.
No bitterness. No resentments.
But a POWERFUL lesson learned that I’m not willing to repeat.


- Stephanie Lahart (Author & Poet)